The Mitten

Last week I had the privilege of travelling to Grand Rapids, Michigan, as a guest of the Liberty Fund. I attended a small colloquium on Limited Government and Rule of Law. (If it tells you anything about where I fit in the conference, I just misspelled colloquium and had to use a dictionary to find out it means "a conference at which scholars or other experts present papers on, analyze, and discuss a specific topic.") Obviously, I did not attend to present a paper, but to learn and discuss ideas in a small, formal setting. Attendees were required to read selected works beforehand from philosophers and statesmen throughout the centuries to discover how political thought, based on natural law, reason, and Christian principles, evolved over the centuries.

Why would a youth pastor from a small-town Southern Baptist Church attend a conference like this? Because I figured out a long time ago that God created us to work and flourish, and we do so through our relationships and efforts. In other words, what you believe about what you do matters! God has even revealed himself through nature and its laws, so that even a non-Christian can still come to the same conclusions about the best environment for human growth and flourishing through reason. Granted, religious convictions may shape some of our ideas, but even those of the same faith and denomination can still disagree on the means by which all men are allowed to pursue their happyness (note I didn't write "happiness"). That's why it's important to discuss these ideas and concepts so that you don't have to say, "Well, the Bible says..." when proposing ideas, community projects, etc.... Not because we live in a pluralistic society, but because you need a common language to speak that everyone understands. Obviously, my worldview is Christian, and I'm not going to hide that, but I do want to be able to be understood by (and understand) those who don't hold the same views.

Now that I've made myself sound smart (at least I think I did), let me give you my immediate takeaway from the conference. (The rest of it will take several weeks to percolate through my ultra-thick conscious.) As some of you know, I am extremely observant of culture and love to travel because I enjoy the diversity of humanity. I notice food, dress, accents, vocabulary..., you name it.  I'm also a souvenir hound. I really try to look for something that is memorable from my experience, but that doesn't mean I won't whip in a souvenir shop and buy the "Mitten" coffee mug at the airport in a New York minute. (Did you notice I used several regional expressions in that sentence? LOL) So, during free time, while the participants from the North were out viewing the town in the single digit weather, I was staying warm and trolling the hotel's gift shop.

This wasn't a little closet someone had converted into a convenience store to up the price on a pack of aspirin, either. It was a full blown gift store, roaming clerks and all. So while I was perusing the clearance section of souvenirs, a young lady approached me and asked, "Are you looking for anything in particular, sir?" I really was "just looking," but I decided to ask a question about the Mitten symbol on the coffee mugs, magnets, and other knick knacks. So, I asked her, "I'm just looking, but can you explain to me what the mitten on these things means?" She immediately answered and said, "Well, sir, it's a symbol for Michigan."  Being the talker I am, I replied, "Really? That's cool. I get the whole symbol thing. It's like when you see cowboy boots, you think, Texas." As I said this, I pointed down at the cowboy boots I was wearing because, well, I'm from Texas.  (For those of you enjoying the irony, check out this post and follow me on Facebook.) She held up her hand, fingers closed and extended, and replied,  "If you look at Michigan on a map, it's in the shape of a hand, or a mitten." In my arrogance I thought, "One of us isn't listening to the other one, even though we're in the same conversation." What I really meant is, "She's not listening to me because she' not laughing at my joke about my cowboy boots." I thanked her for helping me, she walked on to another customer, and I kept looking at all the items, laughing a little to myself about this woman not listening to me.

Being a newcomer to a small formal conference like the one I attended, I appreciated it immensely when the first facilitator gave us a few ground rules for the discussion. I learned the hand signals for a short intervention on someone's point and making a new point. In other words, he gave us the "adult version" of the "raise your hands to speak, kiddies" speech we all received in elementary school. (Some of us more than others...you know who you are!) While I did participate in the discussion, I found it very hard to do so. The conversation moved fast, lots of big words were being used, and each speaker seemed to have read and thought much more about the subjects than I had. I found myself having to listen VERY INTENTLY to each person's point. So much so that for a few sessions, I didn't even add to the conversation because I was trying to follow the points made. (Or, maybe I have digital dementia.) But you know what was really nice? When you spoke, no one interrupted- they listened until you said you were through, then responded or added to your comments.

We do several things when we meet and talk with people, but, like me a lot of us are really waiting for the other person to finish talking so that we can say whatever it is we want to say. For example, in the conversation where I learned that Michigan is the Mitten State, it wasn't that the lady I spoke to wasn't listening to me. The truth of the matter is that I wasn't listening to her. (If you missed that, go reread my description of the experience.) Over the past few years, I've noticed that in many conversations, no one is really listening to each other, but really just waiting to say what they wanted to say originally (or interrupting each other constantly). Either way, we're ignoring another human being, a person who wants to be recognized and known, just like we do.

This is not a complaint about "society's going to hell in a handbasket" because we're becoming less courteous. It's a call to respect the dignity of the person you have a conversation with by actually hearing the words they speak and responding to those instead of what you thought someone said, or what you've (hopefully) waited to say without listening. Having said that, I'm going to make a concerted effort to be less arrogant and recognize the other humans standing in my life by really listening to them next time we have a conversation.

Anybody want to join me? Comment below!