The Winner

“I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of great respect, they don’t even invite me.” Dave Barry, a syndicated columnist and Pulitzer winning journalist, is noted as saying. In my earlier posts about speaking up and dialoguing with others, especially those of opposing viewpoints, I noted that we must be able to have actual conversations with others, and seek to understand their side before we begin to bash it.  Unfortunately, most of us either a) retreat into silence when confronted or b) use violence to dismiss and condemn other viewpoints. (Find out your style here.) For all my talk about shyness and timidity, I realize that I pride myself on winning arguments, and am guilty of these two extremes (and all points in between) when interacting with others. If I am unsure of my knowledge on a topic, I will be silent. If I am confident in my knowledge, I will go in swinging (metaphorically) forcefully dropping facts and opinions to cause the other person to retreat into silence.

I often use these tactics when I am caught by surprise. Many of you know that I am headed to Kenya in less than two weeks, and I am set to go no matter what happens. I committed to the trip several months ago, and have been advertising it on Facebook and through emails, asking for people to pray, give towards the trip, or share the pictures so that others can do so. Most of the feedback I have received concerning the trip has been positive. At least until the shooting at Garissa University in Kenya on April 2. Upon seeing the news, my wife immediately emailed me, asking how close that was to where I would be staying while I was in country. (You can read about our exchange here at my wife’s blog, if you’re interested.) That did not surprise me. (I will admit that being a husband and #girldad made me think a little harder the dangers involved.) As a matter of fact, I spent the next few days fending off queries from my family about my trip, not realizing they were only expressing concern for me. I was busy defending my theology, and my pride. I was also winning, at least in my mind.

Questions from my family did not surprise me one bit. They’re supposed to be concerned for me, after all. It did surprise me, however, when Sunday morning rolled around. Easter Sunday morning, to be exact. (If you know what Easter is about, the irony should not escape you either.) I walked into church like any other Sunday morning and began making my way around the building, greeting people and preparing for the day. To my surprise, one of the men of my church almost jumped me as I passed through a doorway. “Trey,” he said, “You’re not going to Kenya now, are you?” “I most certainly am.” I replied confidently. “Jesus told us to go, and unless the organization I’m travelling with cancels the trip, I’m going.” I was really surprised that someone else, a fellow follower of Christ, would have that attitude. Even though I know it exists, I have never had people say I should not travel to tell people about Jesus. (That, in itself, is not so much a condemnation of the church, but more a reflection of the easy life I have led as a believer in Jesus.) We discussed it some more, with my companion assenting to my affirmation that we are told to go to the ends of the Earth, no matter the cost. I think I even threw in the quote from Tertullian (probably the Major John Reisman  of the early Church; except maybe without the gun) “the blood of the martyrs is the lifeblood of the church” in the conversation. (As if that settled everyone’s nerves who was listening!) I had “won” another conversation!

 A few days later I was at a meeting, waiting for it to start and chatting with others. Another woman walked in and said, “Trey! I heard you’re going to Kenya soon. Is that true?!” I replied in the affirmative, and she said, “You can’t go! Those people over there are butchering each other, and you may be killed or hurt. They’ll kill someone just for the fun of it.” I don’t know what caused me to light up more: “those people” or the blanket statement concerning another people group, automatically condemning them. Immediately, my hackles were raised, and I was about to start in on her (I sure am brave! Verbally jousting with a woman who was only speaking out of concern for me) when a passerby quietly interjected into the conversation and said, “The Bible tells us to go, we go, and Jesus goes before us.”

If you’ve read my post about encouragement before, you’ll know I believe that some people are mouthpieces for the Holy Spirit. They will say things that ring true without knowing what they are saying, and that wisdom can only come from above. This man is one of those people, and someone whom I greatly respect. Almost immediately, the tension bled itself from the air, my hackles laid back down, and she looked a little surprised. In a matter of seconds, the situation had gone from tense to calm. She looked at him, then at me, and said, “You know something? He’s right. I’m glad you’re going to Kenya to serve and train other pastors.” I had not even opened my mouth, and her attitude completely changed (so had mine). Throughout breaks in the meeting, she would say encouraging things about my trip to others, surprising me with the sincerity of her words and tone. All because of one person’s words of persuasion, not force.

In Proverbs 25 one finds this little gem: “A word spoken at the right time is like apples of gold in settings of silver.” In other words, it is very valuable! I write this post not to make myself sound like some verbal J.J. McQuade, practicing my judo chop words on everyone I encounter, but to show that I often need to recover old ground in my life, so that I can make improvement. Not self-improvement, but other-improvement. (Yes, I made that up!) If you find yourself in these stories, I apologize for my words of arrogance and pride to you, and admit that I should have recognized the concern and value you see in my life (one of you even told me that, but I missed it at the time), and have (and see) those same things for you in return.

Do I feel strongly about missions? YES, but my wife can express the same feelings I have concerning missions much more eloquently than I can, and you can read her blog to discover them. So for the next week or so, I will try to drop my black-and-white attitude about missions, set aside my distaste for the effeminate church culture that values safety over mission we find ourselves in today, and work to bring unity into the Church, not division. After all, St. Paul the Apostle, the Han Solo of Christianity, when he spoke to the elders of the Ephesian Church for the last time, did not reprimand them, but spoke to them in a way that brought closure, unity, and peace. Paul wasn’t trying to win the conversation; even in disagreement he sought to keep the conversation open. So, instead of trying to win conversations, I’ll work to set aside my pride and seek to honor others who don’t share my view. Will you join me?